BTB - Co Parenting

Co-parenting after divorce can be incredibly overwhelming. You’re juggling new routines, maintaining consistent parenting styles across households, and managing tense communications. A solid, child-centered approach reduces stress and helps everyone adjust more smoothly to life after separation.

The steps are simple:

Keep your focus on the kids

Commit to open and respectful communication

Create a detailed co-parenting plan

Maintain consistency across homes

Establish a new co-parenting relationship

Do not disparage your co-parent

Set boundaries with friends and family

Introduce new partners thoughtfully

Be flexible and adaptable

Co-parenting is a team effort!

Talking to Your Kids About Divorce

When and How to Break the News

Plan a time when both parents are present. Choose a calm setting and use reassuring language. Affirm your love and reinforce that the divorce isn’t their fault. Share immediate plans like where they’ll live, who will care for them, and what you’re still figuring out.

Age-Appropriate Communication

Ages 0–5: Use clear, simple terms. “Mom and Dad will live in different homes, but we both love you and will always take care of you.”

Ages 6–12: Offer comfort and answer their questions honestly. “We’re still a family. You’ll stay in the same school, and we’ll both be there for you.”

Teens: Be transparent while honoring their emotions. “This isn’t your fault. We’re here to listen and will always put you first.”

Supporting Emotional Responses

Every unique child processes divorce differently. This is why offering them a personal response is crucial. If your child does not want to talk, give them space while reassuring them that you’ll be there whenever they are ready.

Watch for signs of sadness, anxiety, or withdrawal. Create space for open dialogue by using activities, journaling, or therapy to help them express their emotions. Inform schools so educators can provide added support. Connecting children with peers who’ve experienced divorce can also reduce feelings of isolation.

By providing these resources, you can help your child navigate the emotions of divorce in a healthy way.

Consider a Divorce Support Group

Understanding Custody and Parenting Plans

Physical Custody Options

Physical custody determines where the child primarily resides. There are different types of physical custody arrangements, including:

Sole Custody: One parent has primary residence; the other may have visitation.

Joint Custody: Time is more equal.

Nesting: Kids stay in one home while parents rotate in and out. This is often a temporary solution.

For parents who do not yet have the right living arrangements but still want to maintain parenting time, courts can establish structured visitations until proper housing is secured.

Nesting can also serve as a short-term solution that allows both parents to maintain physical custody without uprooting the children’s routine.

Courts may permit supervised or structured visits if a parent’s housing is unstable.

Parenting Time Schedules

A well-structured parenting plan ensures both parents remain actively involved in their child’s life. Common parenting time arrangements include:

50/50 Plans: Equal time via week-on/week-off or 2-2-3 rotation.

Weekday/Weekend Splits: Flexible plans with consistent routines and optional mid-week visits.

Holiday/Summer Time: Balanced seasonal arrangements for each parent.

If a parent’s living situation is unstable, parenting time can still be established through scheduled daytime visits, overnights at a relative’s home, or supervised visits if needed.

Legal Custody and Decision-Making

Legal custody includes decisions about:

Education

Healthcare

Religion

Activities

Joint legal custody requires consistent communication. Co-parenting apps and scheduled check-ins help avoid miscommunication. If disagreements arise, mediation may be useful.

Building Strong Co-Parenting Communication After Divorce

Co-parenting communication after divorce can be one of the most challenging transitions for parents. You are moving away from an unhealthy relationship that has led to divorce. At the same time, you’re moving into regular communication with your ex or STBX about your children. If you don’t communicate effectively, old resentments, assumptions, and mistrust can sabotage your co-parenting efforts.

Divorced co-parenting requires transforming former relationship patterns into productive communication. Focusing solely on your children will help you let go of past grievances and establish new, respectful dynamics.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Choose specific channels (e.g., co-parenting apps, emails).
Keep interactions brief and child-focused.
Use regular check-ins to address concerns.

Creating Consistency Across Homes

Align on shared values and house rules.

Use digital calendars like Cozi or OurFamilyWizard to coordinate logistics.

Avoid conflicting routines to support your child’s sense of security.

Managing Conflict with Clarity

Communicate using the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm).
Stick to facts, avoid emotional triggers.
Engage neutral third parties when necessary.

Focusing On Child's Well-being

Preventing Parental Criticism

Never criticize the other parent around your child.

Avoid placing blame for the divorce.

Promote a healthy relationship between your child and their other parent.

Designing a Flexible Custody Plan

Create a plan that adapts to your child’s needs.

Include optional visits like mid-week dinners or school events.

Consider nesting or temporary schedules when housing is in flux.

Supporting Emotional Growth

Manage your own emotions to be a more present parent.
Validate your child’s feelings and listen without judgment.
Make decisions rooted in their best interests.

Co-Parenting Tools I Recommend

OurFamilyWizard: Helps document communication, schedules, and expenses.
TalkingParents: Provides a secure platform for written communication.
Cozi: A shared family calendar to manage schedules and responsibilities.

Finally, I recommend speaking to a trustworthy amicable divorce coach for personalized support and advice. These general tips provide a foundation, but each family’s situation is different. I’m here to support you through every step of the divorce process.

Staying grounded in mutual respect and focusing on your children’s needs helps foster your divorce and parenting arrangement. This relationship can be both peaceful and purposeful. These co-parenting tips will help you navigate the journey with compassion and confidence. Embrace the possibility of a positive new beginning.

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